I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
