i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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