Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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