ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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