a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
