I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
