he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
