i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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