So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize