you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
