aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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