Joe is yelling at the trees again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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