I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
