I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
