So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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