CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
