Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
