i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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