Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
