Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
