Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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