well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
