She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
