I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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