I bet he comes in French.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
