The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
