I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
