Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
