Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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