i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
