Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
