the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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