Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
