I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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