3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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