and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
