he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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