This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
