i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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