Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
