Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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