My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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