batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
