When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
