guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
