There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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