I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
