i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
