Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
