it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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