the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
