Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
