whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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