all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
