I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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