So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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