I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize