i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My balls are so social today.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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