Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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