my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
