It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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