I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
